God Uses Trouble to Sweeten Us

Today, I want to share an excerpt from Barbara Johnson’s book, So Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy! (Word Publishing, 1990, pp 66-68)

If you are not familiar with Barbara Johnson, she definitely has the credentials to teach us something about our attitude toward suffering!  She has endured her husband’s debilitating accident that left him blind and permanently disabled (and also saw God’s miraculous healing of her husband) followed by the death of two of her four sons.   In her book, she recounts her grief, depression, and sorrow, but also teaches us that joy is a choice and reminds us that, “a merry heart doeth good like medicine.” (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)

“Not long ago Bill [her husband] and I were driving through Palm Springs, the famous desert resort community.  We came upon a roadside stand, and the sign said, “DESERT SWEETENED GRAPEFRUIT.”  I thought, That’s the way it is with all of us when we go through a desert experience – when we’re out there in the barren and dry wastes, not seeming to receive any encouragement from anybody.  That’s the time God uses to sweeten us as we learn to give our problem completely to Him.

There are several steps we all go through when we try to give a problem completely to God.  You take you first step when life rises to know you flat – you CHURN.  You feel as if your insides are full of knives, chopping you up in a grinder.  There is no other way to describe the devastation you feel when you’re churning inside.

You next step is to BURN.  That’s right, you want to kill your [husband], then you want to kill yourself.  You are so full of red hot anger and the anguish of frustration that your temper is out of control.  You literally feel as if you’re burning inside.

In your third step, you YEARN.  Oh, you want so much for things to change!  You just ache inside for things to be as they were before you know about this.  You yearn for the happy past, and this stage often lasts the longest of all.

But then you take your next step, which is you LEARN.  You talk with others, maybe you find a support group and you learn that you’re in a long growth process.  You become more understanding and compassionate.  Spiritual values you learned in the past will suddenly become real to you.  You will learn a great deal about unconditional love and reaching out to help others.  The wonderful result is that you relieve your own pain.

And, finally, you take your last step – you TURN.  You learn to turn the problem over to the Lord completely by saying, “Whatever, Lord!  Whatever You bring into my life, You are big enough to get me through it.”  Now you can relinquish your heaviness to God, knowing that He is in control.  He loves you more than you know, and He has not rejected you because of whatever is in your life. When you nail your problem to the foot of the Cross and say you have deposited that problem with the Lord and truly mean it, then you will be relieved of your crushing burden.

But now comes the really difficult part.  Just because you’ve come through all those steps does not mean that you will not go back to churning, burning, and yearning on certain days.  But each time you will stay in those stages for a shorter and shorter period.  And you will be able to spend more of your days in turning it all over to God. In I Peter 5:7 we are told to cast our cares upon Him.  That means to deposit you cares, just as you deposit money in a bank, and leave them there…

CHURN awhile…BURN for a time…YEARN for as long as it takes to move on…LEARN as much as you can…and then TURN it all over to the One who cares for you.  Don’t fret if you think you are not progressing or even when suddenly, for not reason, you find yourself back at square one.  you may find yourself churning, just as you did at the beginning.  That is normal and very typical of grief.  Never forget this is a grief process, and you have to work you way through the shattering of your life.

Right now you have a broken dream.  It may not always be so, but for now it is, and you have to accept it.  But believe me…healing does come.  The mending process takes time, but you are making a long journey to becoming whole again, and you have a door of hope ahead.  I love the way one woman signed and Easter card she sent to me: “FROM AN EASTER PERSON LIVING IN A GOOD FRIDAY WORLD.” Even in the midst of this messy world, we can rejoice because we know our future – and our hope – is in Him!

The Woman of My Dream (Journal dated Sept 25, 2007)

Today, I felt happy.  I’ve had a dream for the last week or so that has gone like this:

I’m at my church building and I”m having some problem.  I am standing in the church building’s parking lot and there are a lot of other people around.  Anyway, I can’t figure out the problem and suddenly a thin beautiful woman who is a few years older comes up to me and knows exactly what to do.  She tells me the solution to my problem and the solution is so simple, so right, so pure.  I know immediately that what she has said is exactly the answer to my problem and I have the amazing feeling of admiration and gratitude for the wonderful, wise woman who helped me.

So, I decide that I want to find her and thank her.  I also want to find out how she knew exactly what to say.  I long to talk to her and find out everything about her.  I try to seek her out among all of the people and when I find her and look in to her face, she is me.

She is an older version of myself who has lived it and who has become strong, beautiful, wise and admirable.  Then I see that the problem and the living through it makes me become that woman – that me of my future.

I have had that dream at least 3 times now and every time I woke up so excited to be becoming that woman.  Its giving me a feeling of satisfaction and purpose in all of this constant confusion and pain.

I know I’m not that woman in my dream but I’m on the right path.  Its God through the Holy Spirit letting me know that as long as I keep pursuing my goals and working through the problems, the woman I will become is going to be worth it.  I feel proud to be becoming.

Feeling alone…again (Journal entry dated Sept. 15, 2007)

I feel very alone.  It’s one of those days that reminds me how completely left behind I am.  Savanna is in Boston with Rick with weekend. Abigail is home but out with friends, and Warren went out for a while, too.  I went grocery shopping on a Saturday night – what else is a single woman to do?

I got denied for health insurance today and that is why I am so bummed.  I don’t know what I’m going to do, Lord.  I don’t know what YOU are going to do.  If I don’t get health insurance then I won’t be able to take my meds, visit the chiropractor, or go to therapy anymore.

So, I’m having a problem and there isn’t anybody on my side.  No one to hold me; no one to comfort me.  I know, Lord, that you will meet all of my needs somehow but tonight, right now, there’s no one here.  No one to remind me that its going to be all right.  And nothing I do or say will change that.